Kanisa George

INTENTIONALLY pursuing a romantic partner, with the ultimate goal being to gain a future relationship, is one of the most fulfilling parts of the human experience.

We rate prospective suitors based on aesthetic appeal, personality traits and 'what they could potentially bring to the table.' But in the end, the only way we can determine one's likeability is by extensively interacting with them.

The first few interactions with a romantic pursuit are immensely important, for it is during this time that we either confirm our feelings or decide that the relationship might be better placed in the platonic realm. It's an intricate balance of reading between the lines, what appears good on paper and going with your gut feeling.

It is even more important to understand that while things appear perfect, this might partially or wholly be part of a well thought-out plan to put one's best foot forward.

Dating comes with the expectation that each party will display some level of a façade to woo their potential partner. With time, this façade may crumble, revealing more authentic personality traits that might be more relatable or it might reveal the opposite.

A genuinely alarming and somewhat confusing situation to find yourself in during the dating game is when you've been wholly deceived into thinking your partner or potential partner is X, and they turn out to be someone with a questionable or sinister character.

No, it wasn't just an exaggerated façade; it was a well-crafted, made-up script that presented them in a manner that can only be defined as far from the truth.

In essence, they offered appealing attributes that were subsequently shown to be untrue or vastly overstated.

You thought you were being wined, dined and swept off your feet by Dr Jekyll when, in reality, you were making yourself vulnerable to Mr Hyde. You, my friend, may have fallen victim to the all-too-common bait-and-switch manipulation scheme.

This manipulation tactic can be used at any stage in a relationship and may not always have detrimental consequences. However, the person who uses this strategy at the infancy stages of a relationship does so to intentionally confuse a potential partner or trick them into engaging in a relationship they otherwise, once armed with the correct information, would not engage in.

Once permanency is established, the manipulator would give up the act and show their true colours. Some schemes go on for years and result in what some dub the bait-and-switch marriage scheme.

With a bait-and-switch marriage, once the marriage is set in stone, the deceiving partner often changes their behaviour and stops putting as much effort into the relationship because they've gotten what they wanted.

During the courting and relationship stage of any partnership, we develop positive expectations due to the modus operandi of our interaction. We often expect the initial behaviour or at least some level of the same behaviour to continue during the relationship and when we enter into marriag